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thedailydoodles:

"The Creatures from the Inter-Dimension"
Hidden between what we know of time and space,Live glowing blobs of energy without a discernible faceNo one knows their motives, or the source of their powerBut they seem to enjoy finding new children to devour.
The boy peeks through his fingers, and is blinded by their lightPerhaps if he hadn’t opened his eyes, he’d’ve survived the nightFor if you ever gaze at these creatures, your time is upAnd they slurp up your soul like sipping juice from a cup.
So be sure to stay under the blankie, your eyelids tightly closedWhen the Creatures come to absorb you, you must stay composed.Never look at them directly, and they’ll eventually go awayAnd you’ll get to survive… for at least one more day.
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thegreatestusernameinthegalaxy:

radiobee:

coffee-and-rainsticks:

Book borrowing is the biggest form of true love it’s like, “Here’s a piece of my soul that I think you would enjoy.” 

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*slow clap for the harry potter fandom*

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ninastestanin:

netwerking-engineer:

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When your party has a bard and there’s an enemy bard

I laughed way too hard at this

12,312 notes - reblog

churchofsterek:

gallifreyslocked:

when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’

everyone lost their shit and i got second place

If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something

222,808 notes - reblog

m-wolvez:

clannyphantom:

icarly-official:

backdoorteenmom:

Don’t be surprised when they bring a gun to school

that’s not even complicated you literally add 26 and 19 then simplify 2025 over 45 to be 45/1 then multiply 24 and 45 making it 1080 then add 1080 and 47 and unlock the iPad with the passcode 1-1-2-7 god bless

looks like we found ourselves a nerd

Do you seriously have to be a nerd to solve this ?? Haha
"

All the seats at the sunday masses,
Filled with the mass’s massive asses,
Classes pass as fast as molasses.
Ceremonial reading glasses.
Read a little bit of leviticus.
All the kids are a little too little for this.
All the parents nod in agreement -
“i think i can vaguely see what he meant.”
It’s too early in the morning glory
To read another allegory story,
The father, reads a little bit farther,
Assuring the assured that they need not bother
“when god, in verse 45, said the slaves are okay to buy,
He meant that people, all from the start
Each have slaves within their hearts.
Things, that we have sold or boughten, that are forced to pick our moral cotton
God calls us to set these free, free our hearts from slavery…
And then as god goes on to explain the logistics of buying and selling slaves…”

In the back, i sit and i nod to the beats that are bumpin from my ipod
My god, they’re starting to pray
And over the music i can hear them say
“dear god, dear lord, dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword.
Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway yahweh.
The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater,
I’d like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white
And though this is your day of rest, i come to you with one request
There’s so much pain beyond this steeple,
Wars and drugs and homeless people.
Sadness, where there should be joy, hate and rape and soulja boy.
A world in darkness needs your light, so i’m sure your schedule’s pretty tight
But my dog just had leg surgery if you could fix that first…

Debra messing’s fingers in a holy place, “hail mary full of grace.”

Obama, could you pass some hope to the pope
I know a couple dude’s who wanna elope
See the pope said, “nope” so the bros can’t cope.
(the bros can grope but the bros can’t cope)
They’ve been in love, they’ve been addicted
Who said they shouldn’t? benedict did.
Cause in the holy land of the lord he’s the holy landlord and dicks are evicted.
Cause you can be a benedict if you’ve been a dick under benedict but
You can’t have benedicts because there’s only one pope and only one dick
What? a dick on a pope is
Just like a soap on a rope cause it’s
Pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles, christ has risen.
Hallelujah, now it’s raining men,
Because the gender ratio is 1 to 10.
Winos at the eucharist station, trans-gendered-substantiation
Jesus wasn’t the messiah, get back i’m a heretic and i’m on fire
It was oedipus, and those holy nights
The holy motherfucking christ.
I’m a blasphemah post-katrina cruising the marina. on a crusade to cruise aids
And blast FEMA
You’re too late, we’re fucked we don’t need ya.

In the name of the father, son and holy ghost
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
Turn up your nose, strike that pose.
HEY MACARENA

"
Rant, Bo Burnham (via ofhorsesandwomen)

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